Voted the Best Kisser in the Kingdom by the readers of ‘Suck My Face Gorgeous’. A man who was once described as having a canoe in his pants and the charm of a vintage recycled sweatshirt. Here’s the brilliant and often divisive best of Reuben Salsa.
I’ve tried everything. I’ve freed my nipple in the most sexually contrived manner I could possibly do. I tarted my nipple up with glitter and rubbed various lube around the surrounding man boob, but still had no response. My nipples remained on display freely living life in sub-zero temperatures, all perked and erect for action.
I’ve shown off my inner thighs that stretch-marked their way up to my navel. I’ve slow-moed the wobble action with glistening sweat shaken off in terror like some after-beached dog shaking itself dry. My thigh curves luxuriously across the screen in monolithic arty slabs of…
It began with the rain on a very wet Tuesday morning. The torrential downpour had Georgie looking glum out his window. The frogs were out and his lawn was damper than a Puritan’s drive for motorboating.
Motorboats hadn’t been invented in 1764 but he sure knew his way around big-breasted women. George Washington was breastfed until the age of fifteen and there was nothing he liked more than curdled milk with a slice of Pound Cake.
Ah yes, Pound Cake. The glutinous love affair with butter and sugar. A simple recipe that could feed an army through winter and make…
This is your last chance to enter and win $100 cash!
Simply write an essay on Freedom in 50–1000 words and then follow the instructions in the link below:
The contest ends Friday 9th July.
Enter now for your chance of an extra $100!
I stood staring up at the steps that led to the light of an open door. I could hear voices. Muffled sounds from within. A staccato rhythm of baritone noise and easy laughter. Up those stairs at the end of that dark corridor, was the woman I once vowed to marry.
The voices grew louder. I could hear the slow thump of bass vibrating off the walls. This was a mistake. I should never have come back. Outside, the air was frigid and hung in clusters surrounding my breath. I shivered, drawing my arms closer, hugging myself for extra layers…
It’s been several years since my dad passed away, and I often find myself reminiscing about our last trip together to India. Dad left the country as a young man in his early twenties. It took him almost 60 years to return with his two grown sons, both eager to learn more about his past.
Dad finished chemo that spring and was in fighting spirits. I couldn’t wait to go back to India—I’d backpacked through the country many years before. The opportunity to visit all his old haunts was too good to pass up.
Dad rarely spoke of his time…
I blame Patrick Swayze. He made men believe that anything was possible through the power of dance. I also blame Kevin Bacon. Music as rebellion that gets all the girls wet with excitement. My teens were littered with romantic gestures in movies that never failed and made young hearts swoon.
It’s no wonder that I thought my cunning plan would land the girl of my dreams. I was a product of the John Hughes generation. I was filled with unrealistic expectations. I couldn’t imagine anything more embarrassing than what happened, except, I attempted this method twice. …
I’m not a religious person. Our family follows the customs of Judaism and the traditions but I don’t say my prayers every day or visit a temple regularly. We’re better than average when it comes to our religion. However, I do feel that I’m blessed. Life has an uncanny knack for working out for me.
I can hear the liberals speaking up and telling me it’s nothing more than my white privilege at play. Sure, there’s an iota of that and my parents worked hard to set my siblings and myself on the right path. …
Ever wondered what would happen if you actually tried being the real ‘you’ in an interview? What would happen if the real ‘you’ were prone to making inappropriate jokes? What if you began an interview with such an outrageous gambit, they couldn’t help but admire your ballsy play and offer you the job on the spot?
Wonder no more. Here’s how that interview worked out for me.
It was a young company that sold BMX bikes.
They were the official sponsors of the national BMX and mountain bike teams. Their roster of Olympians included the hippest, most daring adventurers in…
My computer was down. As a part-time Full Stack Developer, I couldn’t afford to waste a single minute trying to fix the issue. I had already googled ‘444 meaning’ and ran into the same problem. Like Marty McFly, I needed more speed and only a lightning bolt from a clock was going to make it happen.
I checked my digital dial. It was 10.01 pm. I had three more minutes to hook up my generator before the lightning struck. The pattern was good. …