“I got a present for you, Luv. It was from your Nan. She meant to give it to you before…you know. She couldn’t wait for today.” Nan passed away last week. Nothing dramatic. She was old and died in her sleep. She was looking forward to the Jubilee. She loved…

Parsha Toldot — Parsha Summary: Twin brothers fight over an inheritance as Ma and Pa settle in a strange land. Echoes of Abraham’s incestuous adventure mar this parsha when Isaac claims Rebecca is his sister. It’s as if the bible has run out of ideas. The family moves thanks to a(nother) famine and…

Parsha Chayei Sarah Parsha Summary: Matriarch Sarah finally succumbs to old age but randy old Abraham isn’t done fathering a nation. He sidles up to ex-mistress Hagar and changes her name to Keturah hoping no one would notice. She promptly delivers a further six children for the frisky centenarian and…

Parsha Vayera — Parsha Summary: Much like the kinky Pharaohs of Egypt, the Philistine king Abimelech takes a lustful view of 90-year-old Sarah and desires to bed the gummed-up grannie. Abraham repeats his brother-sister act before G-d steps in with an assortment of bad dreams of impending doom that has Abimelech wetting his…

Parsha Lech Lecha — Poor Lot. His wife was turned into a pillar of salt. His adopted homeland was razed to the ground. And his daughters took turns seducing him after they got him blind drunk. How did one man become the footnote for all that is evil in the world? Was Lot a…

Parsha Lech Lecha — Parsha Summary: Abram, soon to be called Abraham, literally goes forth and multiplies as he becomes the Father of the Nation. It’s not without strife. Abram has to deal with an unruly concubine, escape the clutches of a very handsy Pharoah, rescue his nephew from captivity, and then face his…

Parsha Noach — Parsha Summary: One man’s boat gets supersized carrying the last remaining animals on the planet. It’s only the second chapter and already G-d, in not so many words, admits to fucking up the planet by populating it with sons and daughters of Adam. Having banned everybody from the Garden of…

“We apologize for NOT being afraid” — I STAND WITH ISRAEL The Speech of the Prime Minister of Israel Benjamin Netanyahu is surprising, with all the glory to God. Mr. Netanyahu said: “Only 70 years ago the Jews were led to the slaughterhouse like sheep. 60 years ago we had no country or army. Just a few hours after its creation…

Parsha Bereshit Parsha Summary: It all begins with a big bang and the most splendid of light shows before disillusionment sets in. By the end of the Parsha, G-d has his finger over the nuke button and is prepared to obliterate mankind, leaving nothing but Noah and his collective of…