Voted the Best Kisser in the Kingdom by the readers of ‘Suck My Face Gorgeous’. A man who was once described as having a canoe in his pants and the charm of a vintage recycled sweatshirt. Here’s the brilliant and often divisive best of Reuben Salsa.
I’ve tried everything. I’ve freed my nipple in the most sexually contrived manner I could possibly do. I tarted my nipple up with glitter and rubbed various lube around the surrounding man boob, but still had no response. My nipples remained on display freely living life in sub-zero temperatures, all perked and erect for action.
I’ve shown off my inner thighs that stretch-marked their way up to my navel. I’ve slow-moed the wobble action with glistening sweat shaken off in terror like some after-beached dog shaking itself dry. My thigh curves luxuriously across the screen in monolithic arty slabs of…
Like most people of a certain age, I have a love/hate relationship with The Monkees. It wasn’t until I watched ‘Head’ that I truly embraced their anarchic ways.
You probably know more Monkees songs than you realize. Their ubiquitous music is the soundtrack to many shopping malls and elevator rides. Whenever a filmmaker is looking for a kitsch moment, it’s always a Monkees tune that pops up. The juxtaposition of bubblegum pop with ultra-violence is a heady mix. Most recently, ‘Daydream Believer’ was featured on Space Force, Wandavision, and Handmaidens Tale. They’re basically everywhere but you probably haven’t noticed them.
You’re unemployed and getting a little desperate. Who isn’t? You’ve literally sent off thousands of CVs without any success. The monotony is killing you. You’ve lost hope and thought ‘fuck it, what have you got to lose?’
Here are some of the best lines you can place in your CV that’ll help you stand out from the crowd and land that sweet, sweet role of a lifetime.
It’s Google right, so they’ve seen the best there is. Everybody is a serious player. What the hiring manager at Google most wants to read is a sense of humor. Try these:
I’m a big fan of The Clash but I also love a good cover song. There are hundreds of Clash covers out there but only a few make the grade. Here then are my all-time favorite Clash covers.
Special nod to Lilly Allen’s version recorded with Mick Jones. I enjoy the way her British accent works its way around ‘chicken wings’. To me, Rouse is the perfect cover. This stripped-back version is simply him and his acoustic guitar. The vocals are hushed into the mic and the whole performance is riveting.
Okay, it’s no secret I’m actually choosing my…
Racism is everywhere if you look hard enough. Racist fonts. Racist nursery rhymes. Racist street signs. But even I was a little taken back when I heard there were racist numbers that white supremacists love.
It makes sense, after all, we have racist hand signals that make a great pose for Klan members, then why not finger digits too? It’s a code of course. Fortunately for us, white supremacists aren’t too clever and their code can be cracked by four-year-old snorting crayons.
Here’s a quick guide on racism by the numbers.
Gangs love number tattoos. Supremacists can only deal with…
The goal of any anti-racist organization is to eliminate racism. It’s a worthy ambition, but just how much is it worth?
You work hard at pointing out systemic racism and various microaggressions in the corporate workplace. You give lectures to audiences absorbed in every word and every speech you make. The crowd is on your side. You’re preaching to the converted. The white middle-classes of corporate America are all wrapped up in their racist guilt and woke senses. You’re bringing awareness to a major issue. You’re bringing $40,000 income per gig.
There’s a whole micro-industry dedicated to raising awareness around…
Are you going to be like this all day? I can’t help it. That’s who I am. Sarcasm is my defense mechanism. I keep on talking when I should stop. But what of the rest of the world? How well do you cope with the thoughts circulating around in your head? Do you feel the need to blurt everything out?
The best way that I’ve found dealing with the rambles within is to spew it all out on paper. A word-vomit secreted over the virtual page. Every now and then I have to purge all my thoughts into one nonsensical…
I’m going to cheat on this one. I’ve been to so many concerts, festivals, and live gigs that it’s almost impossible to settle on one. Here are a few of my faves in no particular order: Supergrass in Portsmouth, Nirvana and L7 at Reading Festival, Bjork at Glastonbury Festival, Perry Farrell and Porno for Pyros, Charlatans, Chemical Brothers, and the incredible Prince!
But the one gig that comes back to me over and over again is one I can only…