I’m done with Instagram. I feel the platform isn’t treating me fairly. No matter how much flesh I expose, the algorithm refuses to notice my plus-size body.

I’ve tried everything. I’ve freed my nipple in the most sexually contrived manner I could possibly do. I tarted my nipple up with glitter and rubbed various lube around the surrounding man boob, but still had no response. My nipples remained on display freely living life in sub-zero temperatures, all perked and erect for action.

I’ve shown off my inner thighs that stretch-marked their way up to my navel. I’ve slow-moed the wobble action with glistening sweat shaken off in terror like some after-beached dog shaking itself dry. My thigh curves luxuriously across the screen in monolithic arty slabs of…

MUSIC | ALBUM CHALLENGE

Poor old Gen Z. They’ll never get to experience the anticipation of a huge album release (according to Noah Levy) or the bitter disappointment of an album not living up to the hype.

I love this prompt (read more here from Noah). There are very few moments in time that I’ve ever felt excitement for an album to drop. The Stone Roses second album was such a moment.

GOAT

They were a majestic band. The greatest indie band of all time. Their legend was sealed in their debut album that defined a generation. The Stone Roses self-titled first LP was the…

WRITING | HUMOR

“I’ve always considered writing the most hateful kind of work. I suspect it’s a bit like f*cking, which is only fun for amateurs. Old whores don’t do much giggling.” — Hunter S. Thompson

Writers. They’re a bit sensitive. Most are always working on their great novel. Some have talent, the majority are hacks. Swatting away at their keyboard in the desperate hope they’ll be discovered and influence a generation. It’s easy to piss off a writer, just them ‘writing is a hobby’ and stand back.

Here’s a comprehensive list, an ultimate guide to irritating any writer whose grandiose ego needs…

HEALTH | LIFESTYLE

Blah blah…lockdown…depression…need a boost. We’re all suffering and need a lift. But who wants to hear about endorphins released and the benefits of exercise in times of stress?

Here are 9 surefire ways to improve your mood without you breaking a sweat and needing a cold shower and lie-down afterward.

1. Letter Writing Zoom calls are old hat. The novelty of seeing your loved ones on a conference call every day has worn off. Filters are scorned and everybody has the record button pressed waiting for you to slip up so it can be preserved for future generations. Start writing letters…

MUSIC

The Artwork’s whimsy encapsulates the beauty within. A strange beast gazes at you as the sun, a boiling red, burns behind the odd creature. A swirling, layered pattern is revealed to the side of the beast. You’re unsure of its expression, but it looks inviting.

And then you hear the opening single. Such an astonishing declaration of loss.

I love the slow burn of the first track. The singer caresses my ear-drums and soothes me into believing every word he sings. Majestic. Beautiful. I crave…no…I desire more.

There are hints of Joy Division in the opener ‘Brooklyn’. Vocalist Leigh Moyes…

HISTORY | HUMOR | HEALTH

You’re sick and can’t afford another doctor's appointment. Google has only managed to complicate your illness. Whatever ailments you have, Google suggests death is imminent. That’s no help.

But don’t worry. The Middle Ages had some of the worse diseases imaginable and yet the majority of people survived despite the bad medicine. Or was it really that bad?

Here are 9 of the best remedies that Keanu Reeves would recommend if he knew about them. These are all guaranteed to end your suffering one way or another. …

SNL | SOCIAL MEDIA

Another day, another antisemitic storm. This time Saturday Night Live do a short piece referencing Israel and Twitter lights up.

In case you missed it, Michael Che said, “Israel vaccinated half its population and I’m gonna guess it’s the Jewish half.”

We often hear anyone attacking or making fun of Isreal policy is an antisemite. The fact is, speaking out against the state of Isreal doesn’t automatically make you against Jews.

Of course, it's more a case that only Jews can make antisemitic jokes much the same way only Black people can make racist jokes against Black people. Or…

THE SALSA DIARIES #13

It was meant to be for a good cause. Our biggest campaign of the year. All proceeds donated to charities that supported the disabled. Instead, we suffered heavy criticism and were banned in several countries. I still yearn for the loss of Austria. Those repressed nazis always had the best pastries.

I blamed Janke.

Personally, I never spared much thought for the less able-bodied but Janke changed all that. On his wheel-bound insistence and threat of legal action, we altered the physical landscape of the Chateau. I secretly enjoyed the handlebars in the shower, they were a good aid for…