ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS

71 wishes for Christmas

Reuben Salsa

Dec 2, 2020·3 min read

What do you dream of for this Christmas? What would be on your ultimate Christmas wish list? Have no fear, I’ve ripped off Twitter and compiled this ultimate list of 71 wishes for Christmas.

I admit, I thought a Christmas list from Twitter would be less altruistic, but I admire any man’s commitment to tacos!

1. Tacos
2. Trump to go away and take his family with him
3. A pardon. All the cool kids are asking for pardons this year
4. End to poverty and hunger in America
5. Trump & his enablers to be fully prosecuted to deter others like him in the future
6. Relief for Americans struggling and help for our front line workers — at the hospitals and grocery stores and all other essential workers we often overlook
7. People to wear masks, listen to the experts, and keep each other safe
8. People to start talking to each other without threats and obscenities
9. A peaceful transition of power
10. Paid vacations and bonuses for health care workers
11. To hug my mom
12. The COVID pandemic to be over
13. The unemployed to work again
14. Small businesses to reopen and recover
15. To see all my friends and family and acquaintances again
16. A government I could trust and a country I could feel safe in
17. Children in cages to be reunited
18. To be able to go grocery shopping without putting stuff back
19. My puppy dog back
20. No more people sleeping on the streets of America
21. No more families struggling and working multiple jobs to provide for their families
22. No more greedy corporate America
23. No more lying to the American people
24. To play my favorite songs on repeat without judgment
25. People to wear masks and stay home until the vaccines start to be distributed
26. Congress to pass a stimulus package that puts $$$ in peoples’ pockets so they can buy necessities and pay their rents
27. Republicans to be honest and ethical
28. A clean planet
29. Democracy back
30. A comfortable uplift non-hideous bra in my actual band/cup size that doesn’t cost $75+
31. For Black lives to matter
32. Abolition of the prison system
33. To have people and politicians wake up from the cult and denounce the inciting coup
34. To see my parents at Christmas
35. Marijuana to be legalized because I’m really tired of my depression
36. To go to a movie theatre with lazy boy style lounger seats, popcorn & a blanket
37. For 74 million people who voted for Trump to recheck their morals and values
38. German Chocolate Cake
39. My old bar job back
40. A cure for cancer
41. Trump in a neon orange jumpsuit
42. To be able to go out and enjoy a movie, bowling, amusement parks and dinners out
43. Breonna Taylor’s killers to be arrested and charged
44. A Government that actually works for the people
45. This Nightmare To Come To An End
46. A good night’s sleep
47. This fucking year to be over
48. To not constantly feel like the other shoe is about to fall into an abyss
49. Show the world that America is back from the chaos
50. The last 4 years back
51. Spring
52. Butt stuff with Dua Lipa
53. School back in the classroom in California
54. World domination and proletariat revolution (Zombie Joe Stalin)
55. Democrats to get brains
56. 2 fat bitches, a bag of weed, and 2 bags of chips to give to the fat bitches
57. To live in a world where children’s letters to Santa don’t make me weep. We shouldn’t live in a country where children are asking Santa for rent money “so mama isn’t so stressed out and we can have a happy Christmas”
58. Universal Basic Income
59. Human Decency
60. A free media without insane biases
61. Kindness from people
62. To quit being a bitch
63. Happiness
64. Death threats against public servants to stop
65. To give my baby the 1st Christmas he actually deserves
66. A job
67. A hippopotamus
68. A tree
69. @realDonaldTrump Twitter account suspended
70. A concession speech
71. Another Christmas